Seeing the Invisible

It's time for an update... but, I've been wondering what to share because things feel at a stall. I haven't yet seen the results I'd hoped from the contacts I made, and momentum I'm still trying to build - not just with Senator Murray's office and We Are One America, -but with others I've contacted in my sphere to help as well.  Many people expressed willingness, to help but it feels a bit like the train is slowing down, and I'm not sure what I should be doing to get it moving again. I'm continuing to trust and not be discouraged but I find myself feeling like a child, impatiently waiting because time seems agonizingly the hardest obstacle. I'm starting to wonder if I put too much faith in what people say. How many times is it ok to ask or reach out before risking alienation. I worry that if I keep reaching out to ask for help that I might alienate or turn people off to the ultimate goal. At the same time, what does it really matter if I'm ignored or rejected? My faith can't be in people, we are all fallible - my faith is in God, I can trust Him, and this is too important to quit.
This morning I was encouraged when I read " So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (MSG)

Outside of all that, I can hardly express my anticipation for what is to come. My daughters will be here soon, which excites me to tears. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning to their faces and get to enjoy my time off in their company! The fact that our youngest daughter, Catalina, has been living away from me almost as long as she lived with me breaks my heart, and I am beyond words excited to get to know her and see her daily! Today I resorted to speaking in Spanish with Maya, our 6 year old, which is something I've avoided, just so she could have a conversation with me on the phone. In these past 8 months she's become so immersed in her Mexican culture (a fact I can't regret or resent) that it's difficult for her to communicate in English. We will soon get to read together again, and just be together! I've so missed her company. I bet she can help me improve my Spanish as I help her remember her English.

.... Oh the things we take for granted....

I am trying to figure out my work schedule so that I'm able to work enough to provide for our needs, but also spend time with my children while they are here. I am so very fortunate that my mother-in-law will be here to care for them. Although, she has a son with 3 other grandchildren also living here so I can't have her all to myself, my brother in law and his family need her too. Fine... I say with a pout not at all begrudgingly, hehe. ;)

The beds are made, there is some drawer & closet space available... I am nearly ready. I need to clear out some things, but I think the plan to hold a garage sale before the kids arrive might be too ambitious, and need to be tossed, considering work & weather. We don't need to walk through the garage anyway right?! And there is still space in the attic to shove stuff.

So the preparations continue, and excitement builds for both the known and unknown. I can't wait for my children to be here, and I continue to pray for a more permanent resolution, to bring my whole family back together.

NPR Inspires New Blogger

Before getting to the point, I really have to share about a weakness I came across today. 

I started the day with online banking (big mistake). Even though we have been blessed by other's generosity and God's provision, I had an near melt down moment this afternoon before going to the bank to pay the mortgage. Rafael has always taken care of our finances, and for good reason.

For all my single years I managed for myself well. Until now... Rafael has provided for us and never made me feel inadequate in my part of the responsibilities, but now with the roles reversed.... It's so foreign, and today frustrating! I don't want to be in charge of our financial stability! I know it's just as foreign to him, he'd much rather be working his butt off to provide for us all, but today I wanted just a moment of weakness to give in to fear and freak out, even when I know, in all of this, God is faithful and in control & seriously providing. 

NPR is now fixed on my radio, thanks to my cousin, brother & best friend who've all shared with me something they've heard there that relates to my family's current circumstances. After coming home from another late night of work, I sat fixated in my driveway listening to a Nigerian author speaking about her story & how different we would see others if we only knew their story rather than assuming because of where they come from or their appearance. It was not only thought provoking, but admittedly somewhat convicting. Next up was Pixar writer, director & animator of some of my favorite films (fyi -he's working on Finding Nemo II -due out in 2015!) talking about how to tell a story. This is where I found myself lacking and almost apologetic in my abilities to convey this emotional journey I'm on, and taking mental notes of how to be more effective. THEN the program changed to, ironically, a Latino show talking with blogger moms of mixed families!

  The point of all this is that if I wasn't having to live with this, at times seemingly unbearable, separation of my husband and children, I would never have learned and grown as much as I continually am. I am truly grateful for what I've gained - a broader perspective, a greater understanding and a better self. And hopefully, coming soon, also a cliffhanging story teller.

 

Labor Unions get involved in our Immigration Case

 

Over the weekend I was filmed & interviewed by the WSLC (Washington State Labor Council) who is assisting the AFLCIO (The American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations) on a documentary about the need for immigration reform. The woman Kathy, who came to our house was very happy with how it went, and said she would contact reporters & her colleagues at Senator Murray's office on our behalf, share the film with them, and that people need to see our story. Being on camera is beginning to feel more comfortable, I'm sure in part because I was made to feel that "we are just having a conversation" and I'm able to ignore the spotlight in my face and microphone attached to me. At one point in the "conversation" I could see Kathy was also tearing up as I shared our family's story & struggle.  In all I was very encouraged by her concern and action.

I requested a meeting with Senator Patty Murray, again, and this time was told they will hang on to my request because "There are still many pieces in motion". This week the Seattle Times quoted Senator Murray saying "she had never seen this level and intensity of support for an individual" regarding Orcas Island citizen Ben Nunez-Marquez, who is scheduled to be deported this month, & "she has written to the Dept. of Homeland Security head (Jeh Johnson) asking for his help". Those pieces haven't yet come together to accomplish my family's return, but I press on knowing it will work together for good!

 

On the home front.....with 7+ months behind us and no forseeable end in sight (yet) Rafael, the girls & I have been Skyping more frequently. They woke me up at 6:15am, which is really early for me, but a wonderful way to start the day. That afternoon I was able to join them (via Skype) for dinner. Rafael said how nice it was to have dinner as a family. I agree, it really felt like I was involved until he stepped away to wash the dishes,  (one of the perks for me is no dishes) Catalina started dumping out her cup of water onto her tray, she just stared at me when I corrected her and continued playing with her water, suggesting "hehe what are you going to do? head-in-a-box mommy with no arms". While I'm not able to effectively discipline my daughters, it was a lot of fun playing peek-a-boo & singing with them before bedtime.

Maya has two weeks off of school so Rafael is taking the kids to the rural ranch house where they can get dirty playing and "rough it". I am so grateful they get to experience that life and extremely proud of my wonderful husband!

 

Northwest Detention Center Rally

  
  Saturday morning I was at the Northwest Detention Center in Tacoma, where a gathering was taking place. For those of you who don't know, that is people are imprisoned while awaiting deportation. Rafael was held there one week, but most detainees are there for weeks, months, even years. There was going to be a demonstration with speakers educating the public of the living conditions within those walls, and people sharing their stories. I went to volunteer, and show my support for other families facing the same devastation as ours.

  As I helped set up I saw family after family going inside to visit those detained loved ones. A mother carrying an infant, walking her toddler.  A father with three grown daughters all dressed in their Sunday best. As another family passed by.... parents with four children, the children skipped by me and raced each other to the car (they looked like they could be returning from a family outing to Home Depot, and reminded me of my own childhood with my siblings, yet they have this heart wrenching separation that I didn't have in my own childhood. Such different family memories being shaped.

  To create a banner, we continually unrolled butcher paper as we glued photo after photo of families broken by the current immigration laws. I'm so glad I was there, for those hours I had before going to work, but it was heartbreaking and difficult to hide my tears under the hat I wore meant to keep out the cold & rain.

I felt depressed and encouraged at the same time seeing so many others affected & the efforts of so many strangers working bringing awareness and support! As usual this journey has been one of mixed feelings. I continue to pray, believe for, and work toward and ending that is more sweet and less bitter.