Before getting to the point, I really have to share about a weakness I came across today.
I started the day with online banking (big mistake). Even though we have been blessed by other's generosity and God's provision, I had an near melt down moment this afternoon before going to the bank to pay the mortgage. Rafael has always taken care of our finances, and for good reason.
For all my single years I managed for myself well. Until now... Rafael has provided for us and never made me feel inadequate in my part of the responsibilities, but now with the roles reversed.... It's so foreign, and today frustrating! I don't want to be in charge of our financial stability! I know it's just as foreign to him, he'd much rather be working his butt off to provide for us all, but today I wanted just a moment of weakness to give in to fear and freak out, even when I know, in all of this, God is faithful and in control & seriously providing.
NPR is now fixed on my radio, thanks to my cousin, brother & best friend who've all shared with me something they've heard there that relates to my family's current circumstances. After coming home from another late night of work, I sat fixated in my driveway listening to a Nigerian author speaking about her story & how different we would see others if we only knew their story rather than assuming because of where they come from or their appearance. It was not only thought provoking, but admittedly somewhat convicting. Next up was Pixar writer, director & animator of some of my favorite films (fyi -he's working on Finding Nemo II -due out in 2015!) talking about how to tell a story. This is where I found myself lacking and almost apologetic in my abilities to convey this emotional journey I'm on, and taking mental notes of how to be more effective. THEN the program changed to, ironically, a Latino show talking with blogger moms of mixed families!
The point of all this is that if I wasn't having to live with this, at times seemingly unbearable, separation of my husband and children, I would never have learned and grown as much as I continually am. I am truly grateful for what I've gained - a broader perspective, a greater understanding and a better self. And hopefully, coming soon, also a cliffhanging story teller.
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